


Water Lily Blue

by Ottermidnight



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Complicated Relationships, Hurt Tony Stark, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Insomniac Tony Stark, M/M, Past Pepper Potts/Tony Stark, Stephen Strange Cares, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Implementation, Tony Stark Has Issues, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Tony Stark Needs a Kiss
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-15
Updated: 2019-05-26
Packaged: 2019-08-02 11:06:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,093
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16303994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ottermidnight/pseuds/Ottermidnight
Summary: After a strange dream he had during the battle with Thanos, everything was different. Tony kept seeing a mysterious blue water lily flower from his dream in reality. He did not know what to do with neither the flower and his growing affection toward Stephen Strange while he was still engaged to Pepper Potts.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I finally finished nurturing this fanfiction. It's my first fanfiction of this pairing. I love them dearly and believe me, I really care for them and I want them to be together. I tried to find and squeezed my imagination into the time gap between the end of Avengers Infinity War part 1 and the next coming one. It took me a while before I was satisfied and confident enough to share 'Water Lily Blue' on AO3. Good reading, everybody. 
> 
> Special Thanks: To my dear friend, Nes, who was my beta-reader for the first few drafts of this fanfiction, but I added some more and more. Sorry, Nes, I got carried away.
> 
> Warning: English is my third language. If you have found any mistake, error, misspelling or etc. Please kindly let me know. It would be a great help.

What would it feel like to go to bed every night with the weight of the universe on your chest?

 

Would you bear or would you break under the pressure?

 

Would you be able to close your eyes down

when you know somewhere out there

beyond your closed bedroom door,

your house,

your city,

your country,

your world,

and your universe,

someone

or something

is plotting a plan

to destroy everything

and everyone you have known and loved?

 

No one knew those feelings well like Tony Stark, The Invincible Iron Man.

 

The smell of blood on his hands and bedsheets were surreal. It filled his lungs and burned his eyes. In every moment he laid in bed, he tries his best to get as much sleep as he could. He knew it was essential for his body. He tried to forget the familiar coppery odor that thickens the air around him every time he closed his eyes shut. Everything was all the same, the same stories and the same feelings would repeat themselves over and over again in his head until it finally formed an almost perfect loop. Life in post-doomsday for Tony had gone by in a peculiar pace. The future seemed to get a little darker than the day before.

 

Fate never played a fair game and things were not simply black and white anymore like they used to be. Everyone who survived lost someone, but there were those who lost more than others when Thanos snapped his fingers. Many survivors did not consider themselves as the lucky ones. They saw themselves as the unlucky ones who were left behind and had to deal with lost and the aftermath. Some people had mental breakdowns while others suffered greater from depression and the feeling of being powerless. Sadly, other took their own lives in the sad hope to reunite with their loved ones in the afterlife.

 

A day like today was hard for Tony. He had not got any sleep in the past fifty hours. Many things kept him up every time he tried to sleep- he gave up. If he could not sleep, he would be better off working than wasting away in bed. Tony couldn’t stand to be alone with all sort of things inside his head. He needed distractions, whether it was work or someone just to take his mind away. But he lost most people he could have talked about his feelings.  His party lifestyle and drinking-sorrow-away habit felt like another lifetime . Resentment. Regret. Rage. Lost. You could name all the worse feelings you know and Tony would already be too familiar with each of them. He suppressed them under a layer of bravado by being The Invincible Iron Man and the founding member of The Avenger.

 

Bit by bit, the weariness always gets the best of his wrecked body but not his mind. Tony would often turn to substances to keep stay awake- wrecking his sleeping cycle along with it. A myriad of pills scattered his home and lab, he finds comfort in the idea that his favourite pills were within his reach. 

 

Out of habit, Tony filled his mouth with pills and chewed them like candies in an attempt to keep his demons at bay. He didn’t bother counting how many pills he took anymore. He just opened the lid and poured them into his opened mouth then topped them up with the nearest liquid he could get his hand on, which happened to be single malt scotch in a beautifully crafted Bohemian crystal decanter that once belonged to his father. Tony wondered what his father would have said about him if he saw Tony right now, and like this. His mother would have slapped him in the face and pulled him into a tight hug.  But he could never truly understand his father; so he's not going to make a guess, educated or otherwise.

 

When Tony was done drinking, he was thinking about grabbing a bite, however, the drowsiness kicked in first. He did not understand, he should not feel nausea. Tony managed to get to the bedroom before he was not able to carry himself on his two feet anymore. Tony collapsed on the carpeted floor, half-conscious, everything was blurry like he was in the water. The only color he could see was blue. Tony did not know how long it took him to get from where he fell down on the bed. It was a miracle that he even made it to the bed before fully passing out.

 

His way of living was finally taking its toll on him. He was fully aware of the consequences his way of life would lead to, but he did not know any other way to live. It was the only way for him to hold on to his sanity. There were far and few good days and the days Tony could endure were so few he could count them on his hands. Tony could get a few hours of sleep while the rest of the week was just a series of scuffles, one after the other, for him. He often catches himself drifting away from the present into somewhere he had not been before. He was not afraid to not know where he was going. He doesn’t care much, not anymore.

 

The engineer has been feeling like he was drowning in water. His mind takes him to a place where he can barely breathe. The cold blue drags him down. He begs for air but he always finds himself alone in the blue. 

 

The water was too deep to stand therefore he swims. There was not much strength left in him to fight for survival. The best he could do was keep his head above the water level. No matter how much he tried, some of it still got into his nose and mouth. 

 

_ Breathe _ . 

 

He told himself to do so before he slowly sank into the deeper part where no one could find him. In the end, Tony closed his eyes and surrendered his body to the blue water.

 

_ Is this is it? _

 

_ Hell. _

 

_ I was expecting something worse than this. _

 

Tony definitely knew there was no place for people like him in heaven, so the only alternative he had left must be hell. Tony knew he was not a good man. He was on a path of redemption. No good man would have to be on the path if he had not done something bad in the first place. Tony was ashamed of his past. He was still working on it. He’s made many abominable and unforgivable decisions for the sum of fortune from arms dealing. How many innocent lives were taken by the weapons he designed, manufactured and sold? He would not dare to start counting. He would not be able to admit all the blood on his name. His bloody legacy.

 

At the moment he had given up, Tony felt a drag. His body was brought up to the water surface. He sucked in the air hungrily. Some water got into his eyes. He blinked a few times and got most of it out. His sight got better each time he blinked. He turned to look at his savior. A man. He could only see the back of his head full of dark lock hinted with silver.

 

Tony was dragged to the shallower water. Finally, he could stand and the stranger let go of him. “Did you have a death wish or you just wanted to see me?” The mocking and teasing, Tony knew them well. Tony was nonplussed. He did not expect to ever see the man again after he saw him perish on Titan, letting alone to be saved by the man. Tony had excepted this to be another dream, if it was not, he would be as dead as Stephen now.

 

He looked at the Sorcerer Supreme. Tony was not familiar to see without his loyal flying cloak and as wet as he was. Stephen was still wearing his blue tunic and belts. No sign of cut or bleeding on his handsome face. It did not make any sense to Tony at all.

 

Before Tony could come up with a question on his whereabouts, another thing got his attention and another question raised when he saw Stephen held something that was belonged to him in his hand. ”Where did you get that from?” Tony demanded an answer when he saw Stephen held the bottle of pills he had a moment ago.

 

Stephen ignored the question. He opened the lid and poured what was left of the whole bottle into his trembling hand and started counting. He murmured each number to himself calmly. “Ah, so there are forty-two in my hand.” Stephen read the label and pointed his index at Tony. “Then there must be eight in you. I must say I am impressed that one swallowed that many in a single gulp. You must have a lot of practice.” Though his tone of voice was light, his face was tensed with concern.

 

“Tony, you could die from doing this.” Stephen looked Tony in the eye, the former neurosurgeon was not quite sure Tony had been doing this, not giving a damn cent of thought on his body on purpose. Tony Stark was one of the smartest mind in on the earth. He must definitely knew that going on without sleep could kill a human being, and there was no exception for Iron Man. The cold possibility hit Stephen hard and hurt like hail storm. Could this possibly mean that Tony had been planning to--

 

Stephen’s train of thought was interrupted by Tony’s voice. “Seriously, my voice of conscience takes the form of a dead wizard? This is so new to me.” Tony raised his hands up to massage his forehead. Whether this was a dream or not it might be a good time to book himself in for an appointment with a professional psychiatrist. It was something he should have done a long time ago, but he could not bring himself to do so until now, and probably when this dream or trance or whatever this was ended, he would still not go seeking for help. Tony knew himself well. He was as stubborn as a donkey.  

 

“Be as glad as I am, I’m not your voice of conscience,” Stephen assured Tony with full sarcasm that made Tony doubted in Stephen presence even more. Tony thought he could be talking to his own mind, but he knew Stephen had the level of sarcasm that could match his from the little time they spent together. Having a conversation with Stephen Strange from his memory felt very much like Tony was talking to himself as much as he did not want to admit it.

 

“Thank god.” Tony clapped his hand together and made a praying gesture as he pretended to look up into the darkness above them. He let out a mocking breath.

 

“Do you really believe in gods when you thanked one?” Stephen asked Tony out of his curiosity.

 

“Right. If we are going to have the  _ questions of faith _ conversation, shouldn’t I deserve to know who I am talking to? You said you’re not my voice of conscience then what are you? Stephen Strange? A ghost version of Stephen Strange? Or The Holy Spirit? Or another effusive delusion of mine? Or what?” There was still 50/50 percent chance that Tony was either talking to Stephen Strange or the ghost of Stephen Strange and Tony thought he was going insane.

 

“ANSWER ME.” Tony demanded, not in his usual authoritative voice he used when he wore Ironman suit, but in a mere voice of a man who does not have a clue of what is going on with a glimpse of well-hidden fright at the low edgy baritone. 

 

“A friend, Tony.” The way Stephen’s perfect cupid’s bow lips cast his name shook something inside Tony. The warmth and consolation were there for Tony to siege and claim as his. A profound sincerity quality that matched Pepper’s voice, the only other voice that could make him feel this way. Pepper, the love of his life. Tony missed her dearly. Sometimes, Tony listened to her recorded voice whenever he missed her too much. The last time they spoke was when Tony was on Ebony Maw’s flying donut spaceship. He did neither say much nor hear her voice clearly, and he regretted. Tony came back to earth after the battle at Titan and Pepper was gone. She did not make it against the odds of the random probability game of life and death. Tony’s world turned upside down and wished he chose to stay on earth. Things may not have changed, but at least he would have more time to be with Pepper and tell her how much he loved her and would always love her.

 

Tony’s knees easily grew feeble from thinking about the person he swore to protect and failed more than trying to save himself from drowning. He was nausea. And was again ceased to exist. Everything was not the same and he knew it would never be. He was ashamed of living a life without her in it. He had planned to have a family. He, Pepper and two or three more little Starks. It would have worked out in a different world or maybe a different universe for them. Tony completely lost in the vast blue sea of thoughts, he had completely forgotten about Stephen who was walking behind him.

 

They walked in silence toward the shallower water where rocks could be seen above the water level. But for Tony, it was more like buoyant away into the deeper waters than a walk to the nearest shore. Stephen watched Tony blowing away to the destinationless state of mind like a worried woman who stood at the dock and bid her boy departing on a naval voyage, she already half prepared for the bad news of she might not see him again. 

 

Tony picked one big rock to sit on. The rock was big enough for him and Stephen to sit on together without cramping too much into one another personal space. Stephen sat down beside Tony and tried to make some room extra room for him. Tony was quiet. Quieter than Stephen had ever seen. It worried him as much as it bothered him. 

 

Tony trembled and it concerned the former doctor like him. Stephen hesitated to place his hand on Tony’s trembling shoulder. Stephen had known Tony well from 14,000,605 alternative futures. He knew all the songs Tony would sing if they were played on, he knew how Tony took his coffee, he knew which Disney princess movie made Tony cried, even what they would become after everything was over and so much more than anyone could have known about Tony Stark or Iron Man as he went through each possibility to find a way of defeating Thanos, but Stephen was also aware that Tony had barely known him at all.

 

Despite, knowing so much about the man sitting next to him, Stephen could not tell Tony of what had known or dictate his feeling and action, those would be all up to Tony and fate to decide. Stephen did nothing to dictate Tony in any of the 14,000,605 alternatives he lived in and he was not going to start doing it in the reality. He did not want to force Tony to do anything against his own will. It might have hurt Tony. He would never hurt Tony, and if he could then he would rather not see Tony getting hurt ever again. That was why he gave up the Time Stone to Thanos in exchange for the man life.

 

“It’s okay, Tony.” Stephen had his way with saying Tony’s name. Tears and the slightest glisten melancholy in the eyes of the man who lost too much were held back under a facade.

 

“No. No, it’s not.” Tony’s words bubbled and popped as soon as they had reached Stephen’s ears.

 

“I’m here for you.” Stephen saw through a pair of lifeless stares gazing into the distance when he took a closer look into his eyes of the man who had been carrying the weight of the whole world with him no matter where he was. Stephen desperately wanted to console him. Like the time before, he would not hesitate to bargain with everything he had if it would make Tony feel better.

 

Stephen wanted to be supportive of the other man as best as he could. Tony looked frail and vulnerable like the way that broke Stephen’s heart. 

 

He might misread it. Tony might want to be left alone, but Stephen had to take a chance. He placed one hand on Tony’s trembling shoulder. Tears began streaming down Tony’s face after he felt the warmth soaking through fabric under Stephen’s touch. Tony did not sob. Not anymore. He got better at it after losing too much than he could even bother to care. He let everything fell naturally under the law of gravity.

 

To Stephen’s surprise, Tony did not push his hand away. It was a relief on Stephen’s side. Tony turned to face Stephen but his red puffy eyes looked down. Stephen wanted to wipe all of his tears away. It took a lot of self-restraint to stop his hands from following his heart. He had to do it. He did not want to step over the line, especially right after he had just earned Tony’s trust. Tony did not reject Stephen touching his shoulder, but a hand on his face or a body embrace would require more of the trust beyond the level of acquaintance which Stephen thought they were at. Stephen would not ask for more than what he thought Tony could give to him again after he was left on Titan.

 

Stephen kept his hand on Tony’s shoulder. The pat was reassuring. He thought this was the only thing Tony wanted from him until Tony put his arms around Stephen’s torso and pulled himself close. He rested his head on Stephen’s broad shoulder. 

 

“Tony?” Stephen was not sure this was happening.

 

“Just, don’t talk. I...I don’t want to….”

 

Slowly and carefully, Stephen wrapped his arms around Tony and wished he would not have to choose between the universe and the man in his arms, but there was no other way.

 

Tony smelled the faded scent of water lily and the fresh morning mist from the crooked of Stephen’s neck as he stood still. All calm with a touch of something mysterious and consoling coming out from him. He halted thinking and listened to the rhythm of Stephen’s breathing. The breaths were warm and real on his skin. At this moment, he made up his mind, not wanting to know whether this was a dream or not anymore. He only wished it was real. Or at least as real as he could make it be. As people love to say  _ ‘Fake it till you make it’. _

 

They stood close. Their breaths mingled and became a singularity. Everything in the universe mattered lesser to them. At this moment they were living in infinite. No Doctor Strange. No Iron Man. No Sorcerer Supreme. No earth’s best defender. Just two men. Mere mortals existed in their comforting existence. And they could only wish this would never have to come to an end. If there was nothing to lose, nothing to be gained, and the fate of the universe was not in their hands. This might not have to end.

 

Stephen held Tony for as long as he could, but forever belonged to no mortal and no one knew it better than The Sorcerer Supreme of Earth who once wielded and guarded the Time Stone. 

 

“I know it has been hard for you, but you have to hold yourself together.” A soft plea it was. Stephen ran his fingers through the brunette lock. 

 

“I promise you, everything is going to be fine.” Said Stephen.

 

“You’re asking for too much from me.” Tony looked away from Stephen. He knew how this was going and he did not like it.

 

“I know.” Stephen put his hands on Tony’s cheeks and lifted his face up. Tony looked up to meet Stephen’s eyes. It was the first time he realized Stephen’s eyes were not blue. They were full of colors he did not know they had existed. Tony wanted to have more time to name them all, one by one and when he was done, he would do it all over again and again just so he could stretch the time in their hands to infinity.

 

“I saw the future. I know how this is going to end. Everything is going to be alright.” Tony tried to speak but all of his words were caught in his throat and turned into sobs and quiet gasps. He knew he would have to watch Stephen disappearing in front of him one more time. But he did not know he would make it again or not.

 

“You have to trust me, Tony.” Stephen put both hands on Tony’s chest and pushed him away. Tony fell from the rock and sank into the blue. The water around the rock was not few inches deep anymore. He saw the sorcerer’s silhouette beyond the water surface looking down. He reached his hands up and tried to shout out for help and the other man name. He wanted to be heard and rescue, but neither did happen. The deeper he went down, the darker it seemed. He ran out of the air and the suffocation began. This was not the way he wanted to go.

 

Tony woke up to the sound of thunders and his heart racing. A storm was coming. It would not long before the rain started falling. Despite the thunderstorm, he lingered quietly in bed with the ache limbs. He listened to the cold and unstructured rhythm of the rain and stared at the plain white ceiling of his bedroom in almost utter darkness. It was not long before he used the back of his right hand to rub his damp tiring eyes. He wiped the wet knuckle on the vacant the pillow next to the one he was sleeping on. He lets his hand fall onto the pillow next to his head after he was done. The texture of the pillow felt different. There was something between his palm and the pillow, an unfamiliar velvety smooth texture. He fetched for it and brought up to take a close look. It was a petal of blue water lily. The selection of the plant he was sure he did not own in his garden and it smelled like Stephen Strange. He ran his finger along the petal delicate length. He treasured it. 

 

**_After all, it was not just a dream._ **

 

With the unmistaken longing and needs, he kissed the petal, lightweight and ghostly touch that was how he wanted to kiss Stephen.

  
  



	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nothing was the same after the battle on Titan. Everything had changed. Tony saw it coming. He surely did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I must confess that I did not have a plan for any sequel or more chapters of this story to come. It came to me and demanded to be typed down. This is going to be a journey with a planned destination. I have already finished the ending part but I cannot decide how to get from here to there. (Me doing Doctor Strange's hand gesture) There are going to be 2-3 chapters more, I guess. I have not made up my mind yet.
> 
> ***Warning: English is my third language and no beta reader for this chapter.***

Subtlety could be found in the morning air between the night and the daylight. Tony pushed himself up from the bed with no sound. He did not want to wake his bed partner up. They went to bed very late last night. It must have been after three in the morning if he remembered it accurately. He turned to look at the digital clock on the bedside table. It was 5:39 A.M. Tony decided to get up. Sleep was never the priority for Tony but it was essential for the other one who was sleeping next to him and he respected that. He caressed the long sandy blonde lock a few times. He touched the warm cheek of another figure in his bed. The person leaned into his touch in response. Tony smiled and kissed Pepper’s forehead. He was glad to have her back beside him. He thought he lost her forever when Thanos had snapped his fingers. Though nothing was the same after the battle on Titan. Everything had changed. He saw it coming. He surely did.

 

Tony pulled the blanket over the sleeping Pepper carefully not to wake her up. He did not want her to catch a cold. When he was done, he pushed himself up from the bed. Tony was never the type of men who linger in bed with his bed partner. He must have picked a bad habit when he was a genius-playboy billionaire. He hated it, every single time he tried to stay in bed a little longer after he was awake. He felt out of the place and awkward. Like he was not belong there and the longer he stayed, the more intense these feelings were. He would rather go. He picked his favourite paisley cashmere dressing gown off a hanger and put it on. It soothed him from the semi-chilled air. He walked to the kitchen. It was too early for breakfast, at least for Tony. Just coffee would do. Tony sat down at the end dining table and read the latest world news on a tablet. Dum-E was in charge of a cup of coffee for him. After many mild and serious accidents in his lab involved with Dum-E, Tony made up his mind and forbade Dum-E from getting near his lab ever again. Clearly, it was not meant to be working in his lab. At first, he thought about donating Dum-E to a school but he could not do it in the end so here it was, Tony had a mission to find what was the job that Dum-E could do best. Just only one job that was all Tony would ask for. As its creator, Tony felt it was his responsibility to the propose and meaning for all of his creations, even for the ones he invented without thinking about their purpose of existence. He was high on weed when he assembled Dum-E, and that explained a lot in itself.

 

Dum-E handed Tony a steamy coffee. Tony took the mug without looking up from the article he was reading. The coffee smelled nice and hot in his hand. He took a slip and split it back into the mug almost at the same time. If anything could be expected from Dum-E that are mistakes. This time Dum-E brewed too strong coffee. The coffee was as black as the heart of the devil as tasted very much like it. Burnt and bitter. The tip of his tongue was burnt and he dropped the mug. It shattered and spilled coffee on the floor. Tony sighed. Friday sent another cleaning robot in to do the cleanup and Tony left the dining table without looking back at Dum-E.

 

Tony was heading to his lab but changed his mind in the last minutes. He turned around and walked to his library.  The book collection he kept for sentimental. It used to belong to Howard and Maria when they were alive. Tony inherited the collection after their tragic deaths since then the collection had only been growing. He did not come in here often or invite anyone here. This place was more like his hideout more than a library if he had to be honest for once. Sometimes, he was here to be lonely, sitting in a comfortable armchair in the room flooded with silence. He could even hear his own heartbeats if he tried.

 

He ran his fingers passed the role of book spines as he walked along the length of the collection filled with books from every existed genre. Tony was a reader of both nonfiction and fiction, unlike some tunnel-minded scientists and innovators who loathe reading fiction and swear not to let them get anywhere near their brains. Tony was the opposite of those people. It was partly a reason why Tony was never popular among the scientist association. To Tony imagination was as significant as knowledge and facts. You cannot be creative if you do not think outside the box and challenge your existing knowledge. 

 

Tony reached the classical literature section and stopped at the manila spine of De Profundis. He tapped it twice and stopped. He did not mean to be here. He was only walking around the library and got here unintentionally, Tony tried to convince his mind. Hesitation hung around him and dried his mouth and throat. He licked his upper lip then bottom lip. At this point, a lump was formed in his throat. He looked back over his shoulder to make sure there was no one behind his back. Another tap on a manila book spine before Tony pulled a copy of De Profundis out of the shelf. On the cover of the book, there was a picture of the author himself, Oscar Wilde, staring right intensely at Tony when he looked at the cover. It was awkward and later uncomfortable to keep his eyes fixed on the portrait of the dead author in faded blue tone. Tony broke their eye contact by opening the book. He was not going to read it. He was looking for something it the book. Then he found it at the beginning page of The Ballad of Reading Gaol. There it was the blue water lily petal Tony found in his bed on the day he woke up from a strange dream. Tony touched was the blue velvety smooth petal on the paper. The petal miraculously carried its delicate texture and vibrant blue as if it was picked freshly minutes ago. He took the petal up, holding it between his right thumb and forefinger, rubbing it back and forth absentmindedly as he got lost in his sea of thoughts. It could have been the Nymphaea caerulea, a species of blue Egyptian water lily that could often be found in stone carvings and paintings as the sacred symbol of the sun based on its physical appearance. But this was not it. After Friday scanned the petal twice, Tony learned the DNA and RNA of it did not match with the earth’s Nymphaea caerulea or any other vegetation on earth. Tony suspected he might be holding the sample of the plant from another dimension, or perhaps from his own lucid dream. 

 

It would be easier to say this blue water lily petal came from somewhere else, drop the searching, and move on, but Tony could not get it out of his mind. A conundrum that amazed Tony to no end. He believed that knowing the origin of the petal would be the key to the answer he had been looking for. He would have a proof that what he felt was real, that everything was real. As if just a petal in his hand was not enough. 

 

The longer he swam in his thoughts the harder it got for him to breathe. The memory and unsettled feelings came back to him, they were the two things his mind and his body remember too well. Tony found it was getting difficult to breathe. His lungs were brim. He tried to call Friday for help but he could not make any sound. Out of the sudden, Tony heard the sound of water rushing down. He dropped De Profundis on the floor. No, it was more of the furious flash flood, he was now sure of that. 

 

Within mere seconds, he felt the water loomed around his hip. He was nausea and his head swam as he was drowning. When he looked around the library turned in the blue. It was this moment that he thought that was going to be his burial ground and he would not be found. He had tightened his grip around the blue water lily petal and started to think about the man who pulled him out of the water last time. His breaths got deeper but not much air could get into his lungs even he knew everything he felt was just the flashback from his memory. He called out the name of the sorcerer.  _ Stephen. _ This was his last attempt to seek for the help. The blue petal in his hand bloomed into a whole blue water lily blossom. The sound of water became quiet and he felt no longer like drowning anymore. He could finally breathe again. 

  
He sank down in the nearby black leather armchair. His whole body was shaking, but he was still holding the blue water lily dearly. Sweats ran down his forehead just from thinking about that dream. Everything seemed to be too real and more than just a dream. He was sure a second ago his library was filled with water and he was drowning. Tony promptly looked around the study room like he was expecting something or someone, but he found himself alone with books and the soft sunshine of the new day casting through white curtains. Tony greedily inhaled the air through his nostril and mouth. The familiar floral scent fused the room and he breathed it in. It brought his feet back on the dried carpet. Calming and soothing. The same scent he smelled in his dream from the crook of Stephen Strange’s next. He could now catch his breath. The image of sorcerer came into his mind, his warm embrace and an urge to kiss Stephen. Tony felt ashamed and denial. He should not be thinking about kissing anyone apart from Pepper, his  fiancée . This was  _ wrong _ , he told himself. Tony sat still in the armchair looking out at a bright sunbeam on the floor. The sunbeam was the brightest light source in the library. It gave the heavy contrast effect of the light and the darkness in the room. Three-quarters of Tony’s face was hidden in the shadow. His eyes were fixed at the light as he tried to sort out his complicated feelings for Stephen while he was still holding the blue water lily blossom in his hand so tight like he never wanted to let it go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos are welcome.  
> Thank you for reading my work.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back with another chapter!  
> It took me longer than I wanted but it is here now.  
> Good reader.

Tony was done making blueberry pancakes for Pepper and himself. But he lost all of his appetites by the time he turned off the stove. He put the blueberry pancakes in the oven to keep them warm and walked to the nearby coffee machine. 

Seats at the dining table were vacant and quiet when he’s ascending the head of the table with an americano of the day in his hand. He pulled the chair out and settled down at the emptied oblong table. 

He took a small sip of coffee and put it down. The coffee tasted like nothing to the preoccupied man’s mind. His fingers tap-tap-tap the table surface in a strange incoherent pace. All that was on his mind was the blue water lily blossom in his bathrobe pocket. He used his other non-tapping hand to reach for the blue water lily then put it in front of him. He stared, unblinkable like he was playing his childhood game with it. As if an eye blink would mean to destroy everything.

Tapping table was stopped at some point. Though Tony did not realise when he did it. The next thing he went on using his thumb doing was going around and around in a perfect circle on the rim of the americano mug absentmindedly as he was figuring out what to do with the blue enigmatical water lily. It was so blue and so vibrant than the colour of the seven seas in combined, Tony thought. Each petal resembled a wave and they lured Tony in the deeper depth for each second he staring in its mesmerizing blue. No long before Tony drifted away and lost to the world. 

Until Friday spoke to him.

“Sir, Ms. Potts is awake.” Friday’s voice disrupted the order of the hypnotizing waves. The voice cut through broken waves and a riptide suck them down. All waves were gone. Vanished. Dried out his eyes. He broke the stare and blinked many times as he could to generate naturally lubricate his tingling dehydrated eyes. 

“Right. Tell her, I made her blueberry pancakes and I’m waiting for her in the kitchen.” A tear ran down from his irritated left eyes. He rubbed both eyes with the back of his hands. It did not get any better.

“It’s been done, sir.” Said Friday. 

Tony murmured ‘thank you’ to Friday while getting up from his chair, he was going to look for some eye lubricant. He thought he ought to have one bottle in one of the kitchen drawers. It was some time ago when last used the eye lubricant and it might already be expired, but there was no harm in having a look first. Tony tried hard to remember which drawer has the eye lubricant as he was leaning against the dining table. 

He did not hear Pepper walking into the kitchen.

“Good morning. Tony.” 

Just one simple call and he jumped out of his skin. He nearly got a heart attack. It would not be over-exaggeration to say Pepper startled Tony out of his mind too. When one is utterly out of his mind, he could also be out of balance or control over his body. As it happened, his sharp elbow knocked the coffee mug off the dining table. Like a slow-motion shot in so many series and movies he had seen, the gravity languidly pulled the mug toward the floor. The black coffee was sputtering out. His eyes captured the whole motion, but his hands and conscience were not quick enough to react to what was going on. Another reminder of what he truly was at the end of the day, he might be one of the smartest among his species but he was only a human. 

The mug hit the floor. It shattered into pieces and the black coffee splattered gracelessly. A mess, he made. The curse flew out from his mouth after the sound of shattering mug. He hissed. Pepper rushed to him in no time.

“Tony!” 

“Are you alright?” Pepper held Tony’s arms, inspecting for injuries. 

“I’m fine. The mug just slipped.” Pepper let go of Tony’s hands when she was sure he had not hurt anyway. However, she still kept her eyes on Tony. Scrutinizing, analyzing, caring and worrying all blended in her greyish-blue eyes that Tony once thought they had the most beautiful shade of blues like a tranquil sea. Tony wished he could turn his thought upside down but all he could do was turning away from his fiancée. 

He walked to into the kitchen looking for a towel to clean up.

Pepper followed him right behind and stopped him before he could reach the kitchen towel. She held his hand and towel with both of her hands. She had a firm grip. Like they were playing tug of war and no one wanted to let the other have the towel.

“Let me help.” Tony shook his head. 

“It’s okay. I’ve got this.” But Pepper had not let go of his hand. She looked so determined and her grip was more vigorous. He could tell that she was serious. The help that she offered had become something almost akin to a command. 

Tony contemplated the alternatives. He could shake her hand off and clean the mess he started. The way he wanted to do. He did it according to his own mind before and each time it would make him feel like a selfish bastard one way or another. It happened and it would happen again, the untold was he had been hurting Pepper’s feeling for countless times. It often made him wonder than not why after all that had happened between them, this woman still stood by his side. The heartbroken look on her eyes could break his heart if he had to see it one more time. He only wanted to make her happy. He truly was. Even it would mean doing the opposite of what he wants.

The kitchen towel was put down on the dining table. He ordered Friday to send a cleaning robot to take care of the shattered mug. He made sure the robot would not be Dum-E this time. The floor was already messy enough for today.

Tony cupped Pepper’s hands in his hands. She was warm and soft the same way he remembered her before the war with Thanos. He brought her hands up to give each one of them a heartfelt kiss. 

“Is there something wrong?” Pepper rose her eyebrow. She knew Tony could be romantic if he wanted to. But this was not cased. The kisses radiated on the back of her hands with melancholy. She knew there was something bothering him and he tried to hide it from her. She wished he would let her in and help him. Whether it is mending a broken mug or saving the world from alien invasions she would never leave his side.

“You know you can always talk to me.” She thought she had seen every side and even the worst of Tony. She believed she was prepared. She believed she was ready for everything. She was confident. She was fearless yet kind. She was fierce yet gentle. Yet she always knew when and how to compromise when situations call. All qualities and competencies bundled with the beauty. All reasons why Tony loved her.

“We’ve been through so much together and I promise I’ll never leave you.” She was assertive in every word to make sure Tony would get what she tried to tell him.

“Because I know you’d do the same for me.” Tony would if he could. He wanted to do it for the woman he loved.

Her hand caressed his cheek. It felt more like a touch from a worried mother on his skin more than anything else.

“Tony.”

“Tony. Look at me.”

“I love you, no matter what.” It was only one sentence but it hit him hard multiple times like bullets. First, it hit him on his head, he numbed and speechless. The second bullet hit him in his lungs, knocking all the air out and making it difficult for him to breathe. The third bullet on his stomach, he felt feebly sick. And the fourth bullet landed on his heart and stopped it beating. This punishment, so it seemed.

“I love you too.” He wished they were true. He wanted them to be true more than anything else in the world. Perhaps, that was why he said it, so as why other people say things they do not mean as if only anything we say could be true just by saying it out loud, three words he was not supposed to say the most if he did not truly mean it in the middle of self-pity, guilt, and confusion.

He held Pepper tightly. It became crystal clear to him in that moment of how afraid he was if he had to lose Pepper again. But this time he would not be losing to death or any of his atrocious adversaries. This time it would be only himself to blame on.

Tony kissed her forehand and holding her close like it was going to be the last time. 

“Tony. Is there something on the dining table? You have been staring at it for some time.” He did not know what he was doing until Pepper asked him. He tore his eyes away from the blue water lily he did not know he was staring at it to look at Pepper.

Pepper turned to look at the dining table following his staring and she walked toward it. He followed her footsteps right after. 

“I can’t see anything.” Said Pepper. 

Tony stood next to her. They were a few centimetres from the blue water lily. He put his hand on the blue blossom feeling it against his fingertips. It was delicate and real. He felt it. He could swear to God that it right on the table.  **_Why could not Pepper see it?_ **

“Nothing.” He finally settled with giving her the simplest answer. A lie, that what it was. He did not want to worry about Pepper. He had a good intention. It was okay, he told himself. 

But Pepper did not seem fully convinced so more details would need to be added. 

“I was just thinking about my new invention that I am working on. I just got an idea for some improvements. Speaking of it, I almost forgot. I’ve to do something in my lab.” He hoped he look and sound convincing enough.

Pepper gave him an unreadable expression. Did he try too little or too hard? He could not tell but he needed to keep going. 

“By the way, I made you gluten-free blueberry pancakes for breakfast. I put them in the oven to keep them warm for you.” Pepper smiled and Tony kissed Pepper’s left cheek. 

“And if you want to drink nice coffee, don’t let Dum-E do it for you.” Tony kissed her right cheek this time. 

“Dum-E burnt my coffee this morning. I think I’ll dissect that--” She put her index finger to hush and calm him down. She told him she already knew how Dum-E was like. 

It worked. 

Tony stopped talking and felt nervous. 

“Alright then.” She put her arms around soon-to-be her husband neck. 

“If you say so.” She pecked a kissed on his lips. 

“I won’t back for lunch. I have a business luncheon with the board and another two meetings. It’s going to be a long day.” 

Pepper would not be home for the whole day. This could be a chance for Tony to figure things out on his own. Or he could confront the root cause.

“Tony. Are you still listening to me?”

“Yes, honey. I’m still listening to you.”

“Then repeat what I just said.” Of course, he could not repeat a thing. Pepper sighed.

“Don’t forget that we have Stark Charity Gala Dinner at 8:00 pm.” When she repeated herself again, she cut out most of the details away. Tony caught up but missing out the whole details of the gala dinner. He did not hear that neither the dress code colour was blue nor Pepper invited Doctor Strange and all the superheroes. If she did repeat the details again Tony would still not care about the dress code colour, but he would definitely care about the 50 percent chance that the sorcerer may or may not attend the charity gala since he had not accepted or declined to the invitation.

“Don’t be late.” But she knew he would be. 

“I won’t.” Tony Stark would always be. No party could not start until Tony walked it. 

When Tony finally returned a goodbye kiss to Pepper. Their lips were briefly touched. His action was barely be counted called as a kiss. It was almost like an air-kiss. He let go of her and off to his lab. He turned back once more and gave her a smile, a reassuring one which says ‘I’m fine and don’t worry about me’. And she waved back before he was out of her eyesight. 

In the lab, there was not much for him to do. The new improvements that needed to be done were nothing more than a makeup story. He had not come up with anything innovative for a few weeks already. He merely went to his lab to wait for Pepper to leave the house. He monitored her moves and waited fretfully. Each ticking on the clock felt longer than it was supposed to be. 

By the time Happy drove Pepper out, he was a reach away from going insane with all anticipation bubbling up his chest. He now could breathe the breathes he did not know he was holding back again.

On the way to his garage, Tony was at the tips of his toes. He looked at all the cars he had and changed his mind. They were all sports cars and vintages, eye candies and high profile. And there it was, the first moment in Tony Stark’s life that he wished he owned a low profile or something that would not so stand out.

He walked seven blocks away from where he lived to avoid a chance of being recognitised. People tend to think rich folks could walk in the longer distance than from their expensive car stopped at the front of a posh restaurant to the reserved table. 

Tony finally got on a taxi, the one whose the taxi driver was brave enough to stop for a suspicious man, wearing grey hoodie, sunglasses and a mask and damped in sweat at 10:00 a.m. Obviously, this driver had some gut. Tony made a mental note to give him some tip before murmured the destination to the driver.

“To 177A Bleecker Street.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for going through another chapter with me.  
> I hope you would love it.  
> There will be 2-3 more chapters before the end.  
> Comments and kudos are always appreciated!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Dealing with interdimensional being could be fatal. This could be a deadly parasite. We must be precautious.” Stephen stared into Tony’s eyes and Tony looked down on his pinned hand. He tried to signaling Stephen to break the mandala and let go of his hand.
> 
> “Or, unless you want to get yourself kill.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for keeping you all waiting again and again. I know I am not good at following the rules and my own work schedule. There are so many things I need to do in a day and I work a full-time job six days a week. It is crazy. But I still want to finish this story that I have come to love so much.

Tony gave one hundred note to the taxi driver and did not wait for change.

He took off the mask and wore his hood down. A roll of sweats formed under his hairline. It would be nice if he could get some cool breeze. He thought about summertime in his childhood. The air condition was broken so he left the freezer and sat down in front of it. It was a fond memory to look back to.

Tony stood in front of an eerie looking mystic mansion. It looked exactly the same as the last time he saw it, but this time the circumstance was not the same. He did not wait for long to knock the door. Before Tony could be reached for the doorbell, the door suddenly swung open wide like it could read Tony’s mind. A gust glacial wind hit Tony. He went out of balance by surprise. He did not expect a rush strong wind. If it was not for many years of martial art training he would have fallen down and landed on his only plumlike arse in one loud thud.

The pure white snowflakes flew out with the second gust of the wind. All the sticky sweats on his forehead and dampened hoodie dried out in merely a few seconds. His breaths became foggy. A chill ran down his spine. Tony could no longer feel his cheeks anymore. He felt the shock of cold. The changing temperature triggered the Iron Man armor system to activated and shield its creator from the extreme cold.

“Wow.” Tony was breathy from a few minutes away from getting a hypothermia shock.

“That was close. Thank you, Friday.” It was warm inside the suit. Tony was relieved and grateful. He wanted to give himself a kiss for installing the temperature control mode into every Iron Man suit.

**_You would never know which function will come in handy. Thought Tony._ **

“I was close to becoming the frozen leftover turkey after Thanksgiving.” His body was getting warmer. The temperature went down to -35C on the armor’s monitor. It was mad.

“I wouldn’t let that happen to you, sir.”

“Aaaaw. That’s my girl.”

“Now, let’s find the source.” Tony started scanning around the hallway of the sanctum. He could not see anything. Everything was covered in snow and hail.

“ **HEY! DOC! WONG! HAVE YOU BEEN LEAVING YOUR FRIDGE OPENED?** ” He shouted from the top of his lung, but no answer. His scanner located a mystic portal. The portal was opened and channeling the madden glacial wind into the sanctum.

“Sir, on the side of the portal is the top of Himalaya.” Friday informed Tony.

“Hmmm. You could’ve let me guess first.” Tony shrugged.

Tony was in the middle of contemplating whether he should pop into the portal or not when a hooded figure approached from the other side of the portal. Looking closely at the figure coated with ice and snow like the abominable snow, a famous ice monster that Tony knew from a shady documentary he watched as a kid.

The portal was closed after the figure stepped out. With a couple of hand-waving movements in the air, the snow on the figure was melted and revealed Wong.

“WONG!”

“Stark?” Wong looked rather surprised to see Tony at the sanctum.

“Are you here to see Stephen? He’s busy.” Wong asked a question he thought Tony might ask and provided an answer all by himself. Tony thought it was strange, but he supposed nothing inside the sanctum and so the people who had been living could be normal.

“Is he in the sanctum?” Tony asked another question which it did not seem to annoy Wong as he expected. After all, Wong did not possess the mind-reading ability as Tony once wondered. He was relieved. The idea of having someone in his head was not so appealing to him at all.

“No. He’s in the Fifth Dimension.” Wong used magic to clean up all the snow. The snow started to melt down.

“I can wait.” Tony responded too quickly than what could be considered as polite. The melted snow became the pool of water around Tony’s ankles. It kept only risen up.  

“He may not come back anytime soon. He’s been gone for two days.” The water was now knee-level but it did not scare Tony. Soon the whole sanctum would be flooded if one of them did not do something.

“I’ll wait.” Tony wondered if his help was needed or not. He could blow the front entrance wide open to release the water out, but by doing such, the street and people on it would be flooded.

Wong rose both hands up in the air and swiveled them. The water followed his movement. It surged up and formed into a shape of a large serpent. He then used the sling ring on his right hand to open a portal to some sort of sea or ocean. While his right hand held the portal open, his other hand summoned the water serpent to go into the portal and shut the portal down. Tony watched everything happened under his eye and became speechless.

An awkward silence fell between them.

“Avengers’s matter?” Wong finally asked the question he had on his mind since he first saw Tony at the sanctum.

“No. It’s something personal this time.”

“I see. Have a seat” Wong gestured Tony to have a seat. Within no time, Tony was seated on the chair without any acknowledgment of where the chair came from and how he got to be sitting on it.

**_Magic again. And a good magician doesn’t speak about their tricks, Tony thought._ **

Wong already turned back and he was in the middle of summoning a portal with his sling ring at the time Tony called out his name. Wong dropped his hands and turned to face Tony.

“Wong!” He held his next step back.

“Do you happened to be specialized in vegetation from other dimensions?” Tony hated it when he sounded so desperately in need of help.  

“I’m not a herbalist, but I might be able to help you. What you do want to know?” Wong turned around and walked to Tony.

“I woke up one day from a very peculiar dream and there was a blue water lily petal on my pillow. I did not know where it came from. I had never seen anything like it before. Its blue is so, so mesmerizing.” Tony tried to keep his story in short and excluded the detail about Stephen in it. It was the part that should be kept away from everybody’s ears. He feared what Wong would think of him, and judge him. The worst of all, the word might go to Pepper’s ear.

“I bought it here with me too.” Before Tony could take blue water lily petal out to show Wong, a glowing orange mandala appeared from nowhere to seal Tony’s pocket, then a yell followed.

“STOP!” Somebody shouted at them in commanding voice.

Wong and Tony swiftly shook out of their ease and prepared for an attack. Wong conjured a Wand of Watoomb out on one hand and on the other hand, he had a mandala force shield out for defend, then stepped in front of Tony. If this was the magic attack, all Tony’s gadgets would be next to useless. Despite, Wong’s silent thought, Tony suited up in Iron Man armor. But he found out that his hand was pinned and unmovable under the mandala. Tony commanded his nanorobotics to form a laser blast and aimed it at the shadow on the second floor of the Sanctum.

The footsteps echoed before it gave away a familiar face of the Master of New York Sanctum, Stephen Strange. He looked like a worn out leather. Tony was relieved, but Wong did not let his guard down.

“JESUS! I COULD HAVE SHOT YOU DOWN!” Tony protested. Stephen seemed like he could not bring himself to care and could dodge an attack from Tony effortlessly by summoning a portal to channel it away from him. Tony walked away and sank himself into the chair he sat before Stephen made an epic shouting and entrance. He was out of Wong and Stephen conversation hearing range.

“ **OR,** unless you **WANT** to get yourself **KILL.** ” Tony added angrily from where he sat.

“Wait.” Wong said to Stephen. The doctor did not move. He was on his way to see Tony.

“How can I know that you are not a being from the Fifth Dimension?” Wong was skeptical. He was not expecting Stephen’s return so soon. Stephen was not supposed to finish his quest, at least it should have taken a couple of days more.

“You just have to trust me, Wong.” Stephen turned to look at Wong. He immediately froze under Stephen’s glare. The eyes of the doctor gleamed in vivid.

“Things went surprisingly according to the plan so I could make it back here earlier. I would say I kind of expecting it to be a little bit more challenging. It was almost boring, Wong. You could not miss out anything on this trip while you were guarding the Sanctum.” Stephen made sure he spoke loud enough for Tony to hear what he pretended saying to now mind-controlled Wong. The doctor signed and waved his air in a circuit motion. All the dirt and cuts on his clothes were gone.  

“Dealing with interdimensional being could be fatal. This could be a deadly parasite. We must be precautious.” Stephen stared into Tony’s eyes and Tony looked down on his pinned hand. He tried to signaling Stephen to break the mandala and let go of his hand.

“Or, unless you want to get yourself kill.” Stephen reused the line he heard Tony said just a minute ago. It annoyed Tony more than he would ever admit. He wished he could shoot that smirk on the sorcerer's face out. So much cockiness that reminded Tony of his younger self. **_What goes around and comes around._ **

“We better to conduct the inspection somewhere else.” Tony felt uneasy. He was about to enter an unfamiliar world beyond his knowledge and imagination. It would surely be a place he had never been to before. He had to completely rely on somebody else rather than himself or Pepper, Rhodey, and Jarvis. To rely solely on Stephen was an idea Tony despised and at least he knew the man could be trusted. Though the feelings that he had toward the doctor were changing rapidly. He felt more vulnerable in front of Stephen at the moment than when he was in the middle of a brutal battle. Stephen stood and looked at Tony in the eye. Stephen was close, closer than he should have been. They were toe-to-toe but he felt the doctor was not close enough. Shamed by his thought, Tony then turned to look at Wong like a patient who wants the second opinion for what is wrong with his body. Wong nodded back to Tony and confirmed that what Stephen said did make sense.

“Alright, doc. Whatever you say.” Tony gave in. This seemed like the only way that he could get an answer.

Stephen opened the Mirror Dimension and got in first. Tony followed him right behind and then he looked at Wong when he realised another sorcerer was not following in.

“You’re not coming?” Asked Tony.

“Someone has to stay behind and guard the Sanctum.” Said Wong.

“Fair enough. Thanks for your help. See you later.” Tony thanked Wong and he accepted his gratitude with a nod. The entrance of the Mirror Dimension was closed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think there are only two more chapters left for this story. I did not expect the story to be six-chapter long, but I am enjoying every moment in writing it out.
> 
> Anyway, thank you for reading. Like always comments and kudos are welcome. See you later alligator.

**Author's Note:**

> The setting, mood, and tone of this story were inspired by 'Water Lily' oil painting series of Claude Monet. And the Blue Water Lily in the story is Nymphaea caerulea, Egyptian Blue Water Lily. (If you are interested in reading about it significant >>> https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nymphaea_caerulea )
> 
> Thank you for reading my story.
> 
> Kudos and comments are welcome.


End file.
